One Paragraph Movie Review: Apocalypto

Twenty-first film: Apocalypto. Okay, purely because he’s an egomaniacal unhinged racist, any film directed by Mel Gibson is starting on the back foot with me. So I guess the good bits in this tribal jungle adventure are: cinematography, accessories, excitement, and super-hot semi-naked people. The bad bits, which I joyously and snidely present, are: historical inaccuracy, extreme melodrama, the tritest of tropes (saved by a solar eclipse! barely escaping quicksand!), five-minute mildly uncomfortable childbirth, and absolutely blatant Mayan-style Mad Max rip-offs. Still, it’s got a big black pussycat in it, so that’s something. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, but I was ready to hate it. Three poison toads out of five.