One Paragraph Movie Review: Forrest Gump

One hundred and fifty-eighth film: Forrest Gump. Everyone loves this movie, because it is a good movie. Everyone has watched this movie more than once, because it’s like there’s a secret rule that it has to be on television at least five times a year. And once you’ve seen this movie a bunch of times, you realise a few things:
1. That Forrest Gump accidentally stumbling into major historical events is only cute the first eight times;
2. That lots of people got assassinated in Forrest Gump’s lifetime; and
3. That Jenny is… is a bit of an asshole? I mean she didn’t have a great childhood, but she mostly turns up when she wants something and doesn’t tell Forrest he has a son until he’s old enough to be Haley Joel Osment.
All that said, this movie is like a box of chocolates: one or two parts of it taste bad, but not enough to spoil the whole thing. I like waving at people like Forrest Gump does from a shrimp boat. I like saying “buttocks” like Forrest Gump does. And I am incapable of offering someone ice cream without calling them Lieutenant Dan. Four and a half knotted cranky leg stumps out of five.