One Paragraph Movie Review: Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

One hundred and thirtieth film: The Empire Strikes Back. I was an Episode IV purist for a very long time, but despite a distaste for movies that end with obvious unfinished sequel-bait, I’m definitely coming around to the possibility that Episode V is the best of the original Star Wars trilogy. Dude, SO MUCH HAPPENS. A Wampa attack, a disembowelled Tauntaun and Imperial Walkers on Hoth! Casual light incest! The Millennium Falcon being swallowed by a penis-shaped worm in an asteroid belt! Yoda doing or doing not, but definitely not trying! Lando Calrissian’s treacherous city in the sky! Han being frozen in carbonite! Darth Vader being Luke’s spoiler! It’s action-packed, expository, fast-paced, and has a dysfunctional and sarcastic relationship in it, so it’s almost exactly like my life, right in that sweet spot before everything gets ruined when Ewoks show up in Return of the Jedi. Oh man, I hate Ewoks. But I like this movie. Four and three-quarter stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herders out of five.