One Paragraph Movie Review: The English Patient

One hundred and thirty-first film: The English Patient. A smidge too long and a hair too schmaltzy, this very light brown indeed WW2 desert romance is still a bit of a ripper of a film for which I can’t imagine any other possible casting. Kristin Scott Thomas is exactly the same and exactly the greatest in every role she plays, and Ralph Fiennes has never been hotter or sandier, provided he stays quiet. I could stare at his dumb perfect stoical face until the Germans surrender, but dude sounds like a bagpipe drone through a duffle bag. And okay FINE I cried a bit, but if I ever die in a cave, regardless of how much you love me do NOT come back to spoon me. I just… that really should go without saying. Pretty good, pretty long. Three suprasternal notches out of five.