One Paragraph Movie Review: The Gospel According to Saint Matthew

One hundred and ninety-seventh film: The Gospel According to Saint Matthew. If you like lots of silent staring and very big hats then Christ, is this the movie for you. It’s a straightforward Italian telling of the story of Jesus without fanfare, spectacle, or hyperbole, which makes me realise that it is precisely fanfare, spectacle and hyperbole that makes the story of Jesus interesting. Played by an actor that my housemate nicknamed Monobrow Ryan Reynolds, Jesus spends most of the movie sermonising and spouting parables while his audience — whether for or against his pinko lefty chat — stare at him with little expression. Even the miracles are performed matter-of-factly — loaves and fishes appearing suddenly and silently, a stroll across water barely raising a splash. This might have been more watchable if the story was new, but as the bible is just packed full of spoilers, it plods along thuddishly, saved only by its extremely decent music and the opportunity to whisper ‘snitches get stitches’ when Judas hangs himself from a tree. Not my favourite Jesus movie. One and a half thorny crowns out of five.