When the Saints Go Arting In: Raymond of Penyafort

Today I learned about Saint Raymond of Penyafort, who… was a boat. He was a boat, you guys.

I mean, he was also a lawyer, but he was mostly a boat. The story goes that Raymond had an argument with his king boss while they were visiting Majorca, and the king wouldn’t let him leave. So Raymond sailed to Barcelona on his cloak. Of course, he didn’t just sail away on his cloak, that would be ridiculous. He used his walking stick as the mast. Guy needed a stick to help him walk, but hardly any equipment at all to sail two hundred kilometres across the Balearic Sea.

The art is… well, it doesn’t help answer any questions.

Tomasso Dolabella painted Raymond surrounded by sea monsters, one of which is shouting at him that sailing on your cloak is not a real thing that you can see in real life. Sea monsters love irony but hate cloak-sailors.

Ecole Francaise pictured Raymond as more of a windsurfing guy, who likes to navigate using a bunch of keys and a crucifix. In the context of cloak-sailing, use whatever you like to navigate, I say. All bets are off at this point.

And while we’re ignoring how things work and which things that are true, let’s throw in a handful of those spooky cherubs that are just heads with wings. Let’s get crazy.

How much fabric was Raymond even dragging around, usually? We know very well from swimming safety training that going into the ocean with this much clothing is not an instant free trip to Barcelona, it’s an instant free trip to drown town. We are being LIED to. By ART. AGAIN.

Okay, so at least Francisco Reyna painted an actual boat, which this late in the piece feels like cheating a bit. Raymond is even looking up at God, telling him he could have just sailed on his cloak, you know. He’s embarrassed, being the only version of himself that obeys the laws of both physics and fashion.

This is just getting silly. We’re not just ignoring basic rules any more, we’re crossing the sacred line between sailing and rhythmic gymnastics. I’m over it. It’s a 3.0 from this judge.

So there, that’s Saint Raymond of Penyafort and his flagrant disrespect for basic boating etiquette. I don’t really understand the appeal of him, but whatever floats your cloak, I guess.

Sorry.