When the Saints Go Arting In: Roch

Today I discovered St Roch, a dude from the 1300s who miraculously healed people that had the plague. But that’s not the best thing.

St Roch is mostly depicted in art displaying a plague sore on his thigh, which means pictures of him look like he’s flashing a leg. They’re GLORIOUS. He’s so SASSY.

People think this one might be a guinea worm rather than a plague sore, but either way: gross, dude.

In this one, Francesco Francia solved the how-do-we-get-a-saint-to-show-his-thigh problem by just giving Roch a mini-skirt. And toeless socks. And a friend in the sky with a triangular halo.

In this one, God sent a tiny angel to St Roch to tell him he needs two things: pants and a band-aid. Come on, fella. You’ll get muck all over your nice boots.

In most depictions of St Roch, there’s also a dog bringing him bread. Dogs and bread are both better than leg sores. St Roch should be pointing at the dog. Or in this example, at his seashell bra.

I feel very strongly that this one, painted by Diego Polo, has made it necessary for many art gallery tour guides to assure viewers that the angel is checking out a sore on his leg. ON HIS LEG.

Anyway thank you for making my day with your disgusting festering scab, St Roch. It really gives you a leg up on all the other saints.

Sorry.